How have you used the skill of delayed gratification to get to where you are today? Maybe it was social invitations you turned down to study, or going to law school so you can put off the gratification of having a well-compensated job you love. There are probably many examples in your life where you’ve practiced delayed gratification to have a larger payoff in the future.

 

Delayed gratification has been the subject of a number of studies, and we’ve seen evidence of a correlation between it and success. Practicing this skill might give you a rush as you achieve goal after goal, and you might justify making sacrifices at your own expense. However, you can become so good at delayed gratification that you end up having no gratification at all.

 

Many of us, especially as women, were never taught how to have power. We discount our power in small ways every day, and if you work in a primarily male organization or industry, you may not have people in positions of power who look or act like you to serve as a great model to emulate.

 

Power isn’t something we talk about enough, and for most of us, we haven’t consciously defined our relationship with it. Whether you describe your relationship with power as awkward or non-existent, or whether you have a healthy relationship with it, no matter where you fall on the spectrum, a little bit of discussion goes a long way.

 

‘Problems you solve versus problems you manage’ is a concept that was developed by relationship expert, John Gottman. It was an eye-opener to me when I first learned that some problems are not always resolvable, and that that in itself is not a problem. But if we don’t need to solve problems, then what?

 

While problems are an inherent part of life and we can’t ever escape them, what you may not know is that some problems are unsolvable. Trying to solve them is only leading to you spending time and energy trying to fix something that doesn’t actually need to be fixed, when you could manage them instead. And this is the game-changing concept I’m sharing with you today.

 

This week, I’m interviewing a special guest: lawyer turned counsellor Bena Stock. She’s here to talk to us about emotional regulation, and provide practical tips and strategies that you can start using right now when you find yourself facing difficult emotions, whether that’s at work, at home, or anywhere else.

 

As a former lawyer, Bena knows how overwhelming it can feel to juggle law and life, and she believes firmly in putting yourself first. Bena was one of the first people I reached out to when initially deciding on my own career as a lawyer, so I know personally how amazing she is, and I know all of you listening will benefit from hearing her and how she frames emotional regulation.

 

Choosing the right words, whether you’re writing, speaking, or interviewing has the ability to paint a mental picture and bring the person you’re with into another world. When you’re trying to effectively and powerfully reach someone you’re communicating with, the language you use matters, and my guest this week is an expert on all things words and communication. 

 

Stephanie Mitchell is a law school and journalism graduate who is now a writing coach, consultant, and professional keynote speaker. She specializes in words by helping people communicate clearly, persuasively, and passionately, and she’s here to emphasize the importance of being mindful of the words we choose to express ourselves so we can better connect with those around us. 

 

Let’s talk about your priorities. I’ve noticed many of my clients, and even myself at times, struggle to figure out what to say yes to, and what to say no to. We have a full plate, and everything seems to cry out to us at an equal volume.

 

Between the demands of work and the stresses of our personal lives, things just keep coming our way. This leads to feelings of overwhelm, like life is just coming at you and you’re constantly being reactive instead of proactive. If you can relate to this experience, it’s time to take a look at your priorities so we can create a little more ease and structure in your life. 

 

When you’re working with the law, the most difficult part isn’t remembering certain laws or procedures, even though it might seem like that would be. Really, the most challenging part is remembering that your client(s), the opposing counsel and their client(s), and even the judge and jury (if you go to trial) are exactly like you—they’re people. There is a humanness to law that we don’t always remember to consider, even when we should.

 

To take a closer look at this topic, I sat down to chat with Gina Alexandris, a Career and Professional Development Coach with nearly 30 years of experience teaching and coaching legal professionals. Gina’s past “formal” roles include: Senior Director, Law Practice Program at TMU (formerly Ryerson University), and Special Advisor to the Lincoln Alexander School of Law. Gina specializes in individual and group training, and helped build mandatory cultural and emotional intelligence training into the Law Practice Program at TMU.

 

Whether you’re a practicing lawyer, law adjacent, or a professional woman outside the field of law, we need more of you. We need more women leaders just like you represented within our organizations, but it’s not always easy to step into leadership with a level of confidence and authority that feels great to us. 

 

Maybe you think being a leader means having to be bossy, domineering, or controlling. Maybe leadership has been modeled to you as accommodating your team and clients in a way that leaves you feeling depleted and exhausted. If you want to have more influence, but neither of these options sound ideal to you, and you don’t know how to bridge that gap, you’re in the right place.

 

If you’re listening to this podcast, I know you’re deeply committed to excellence. Your career is likely marked by your ability to produce high-quality work consistently and getting rewarded for it. However, if you find yourself constantly trying to prove yourself, working to the point of feeling exhausted or bruised along the way, you might be getting caught up in the illusion of perfectionism. 

 

On the one hand, there is something to be said about perfectionism being a great motivator. Many people wear it as a badge of honor. But on the other hand, there is a shadow side of perfectionism that leaves you fixating on imperfections and feeling haunted by unrealistic expectations or possible failures, ultimately holding you back from experiencing joy in your practice. 

 

I’ve been having many conversations lately with lawyers who are experiencing the same conundrum, two of whom used the exact same language to describe the problem they’re having: analysis paralysis. 

 

Analysis paralysis feels like ruminating over an idea, wondering if there’s a right or wrong decision to be made, and leaves you unable to move forward. You might push that decision-making into the future with hopes of a clearer answer then, but the truth is making that decision often doesn’t get easier with time. Sometimes, it makes taking decisive action to align with what you want harder.